Nov. 3rd, 2003

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I've noticed recently on how much I've changed since I've last been on US soil. Little things that used to bug me (and even make me cry) when I was back in Minnesota I don't even flinch at anymore. Gone are the days of panic over the future and stressing myself out over stupid people, it's now been replaced with this calm, "I'm going to get there if anybody likes it or not" attitude. Of course I'll have my moments, I'm not super-human, I have emotions, but I'm definately calmer and self-confidient.

I admit I've become colder, harder, bitchier to the world in general. A year ago if somebody would've harassed me it would've gotten to me, now I just yell back and defend my ground and I don't even think twice about it. This has happened more than a few times and it became like a routine. I'm not saying I was a wimp before or anything, but I was defintely more sensitive. Living in London's West End defintely de-sensitied me a bit. Living among 11 million people would have to do that.

With saying that, within those 11 million people, I've met SOOOO many cool, cool, coool people!! From all parts of the world (okay, mostly the UK and the Commonwealth) but I became more social. I always thought I was this anti-social persona, no! I'm really not! Being around lots of people (good and bad) made me come out of my shell and once in awhile, stand up for myself. Now I have even more friends around the world that I can stay with! heh.

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You didn't have to read that if you didn't want to, obviously, but this morning Robin phoned me from Gatwick, right before her flight to Minneapolis (connecting to Seattle) and the conversation made me realise all of this. I'm truly truly lucky.

It will be such a shock when I go home for Christmas. "home" being where I grew up, but I do not fit in there. Can "home" be where you're the odd, weird one in the community because she's not like anybody else? (I'm not talking about MSP) My plan is to be "home" for a short of time as possible (please don't jinx that) and I don't even know what is home for me. London also feels like home, and whether I love it or hate it, always will be home.

For some reason, I will expect Minnesota to be exactly the same as it was a year ago. Like, nothing happened without me there. Sounds vain, but true. It's similar to when you were in elementary school, and miss a couple days because you're sick, and then there's that little shock when you realise that people live out their lives and the world does go on while you're stuck in bed? yeah like that.....and of course, I will go through culture shock and everything else expected.

So, I'll see some of you MN people at Christmas, if the Airline didn't completely screw up my flight change..otherwise I'll have Christmas at the BUNAC hostel in London. *LOL*

To be honest, I don't want to come home. I'm not going to be dancing in the terminal, necessarily. The only thing I'm excited about is seeing Terra [ profile] ladygaia and Becky [ profile] miss_lixx. I would stay here in Europe if I had one of those nice Commonwealth visas or a EU passport (which according to a friend I'm elgible for but that's a different story for another time) but I don't, so after the year is over, I have no choice. Trust me, my employment even appealled to have my UK work permit extended and the government said "NO". I tried. London is still my ideal place, and always will be...but, yeah, Christmas! Thankfully my favourite holiday so I'll be in good spirits! I'll come back with too much stuff but that's the point. ;)

I am looking forward to a snowy holiday (it better snow!), christmas lights and making Norweigian candy and food...etc, and maybe stay with [ profile] ladygaia and [ profile] miss_lixx for New Year's? yay. xxxxx


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