300 days in the life of...

[christinafairy]

I've noticed recently on how much I've changed since I've last been on US soil. Little things that used to bug me (and even make me cry) when I was back in Minnesota I don't even flinch at anymore. Gone are the days of panic over the future and stressing myself out over stupid people, it's now been replaced with this calm, "I'm going to get there if anybody likes it or not" attitude. Of course I'll have my moments, I'm not super-human, I have emotions, but I'm definately calmer and self-confidient.

I admit I've become colder, harder, bitchier to the world in general. A year ago if somebody would've harassed me it would've gotten to me, now I just yell back and defend my ground and I don't even think twice about it. This has happened more than a few times and it became like a routine. I'm not saying I was a wimp before or anything, but I was defintely more sensitive. Living in London's West End defintely de-sensitied me a bit. Living among 11 million people would have to do that.

With saying that, within those 11 million people, I've met SOOOO many cool, cool, coool people!! From all parts of the world (okay, mostly the UK and the Commonwealth) but I became more social. I always thought I was this anti-social persona, no! I'm really not! Being around lots of people (good and bad) made me come out of my shell and once in awhile, stand up for myself. Now I have even more friends around the world that I can stay with! heh.




I really have found out who my true friends are. enough said. <3333

I like some of the same music, in fact, most of the same music, but I'm not as excited(!?) about those things. I respect my favourite artists for doing with they do, but I don't have teenybopper crushes like I used to. Hm, maybe I'm finally growing up. To be honest though, I miss those teenybopper crushes. Some of them even led to being hugged by a Charlatan or a Stroke once in awhile. They were nice. <3

I've finally reached that selfish phase. I used to give and give and give.....now I think twice and wonder about it. I think I look after myself now more than anybody else, which is very healthy.

I'm less materialistic (okay, I know I want a laptop for Christmas but that's because of all the moving..) I have realised I don't need 90% of what I have. I came over here with only 2 suitcases and I think I actually use/need half of that. really.

I've become more mature. well, duh. that's natural. I'd worry if I wasn't.

I have struggled since I've been in Europe, I know what 36 cent Cola tastes like now,I know how to best cheat public transport and the english breakfast diet still is the best cheapest way to go. Not everyday has been that great, but thankfully in London I got a cushy job and now here I'm free to do whatever I want without worrying about being homeless in a week or two. Right now I'm looking for work over 3 different geographical places over the internet. Yay for being ambitious.

I've become more ambitious. I discovered I have this drive that's not going away anytime soon. Before I thought I needed other people to share that with, well eventually I do, but it's part of me. I can't deny or ignore it. It's there pushing me on.

I've opened my mind, since London I've been becoming more creative...it's been a slow process, no burst of creative energy, but it's rising. I thought of some new ideas last night while I was falling asleep and I was really content with that. it's been a long time since that's happened.

I have more talent. I can now play guitar and my lyrics are better. I'm still not satisfied but the new are better than the old that people seemed to love.

I've become less innocent, you can even see that here in this journal, and have become more of a citizen of the world. I've given myself the strength and endurance to get on a plane, go anywhere (with a couple thousand $$), and make it, because I can and that is the best gift I ever gave myself.


***
You didn't have to read that if you didn't want to, obviously, but this morning Robin phoned me from Gatwick, right before her flight to Minneapolis (connecting to Seattle) and the conversation made me realise all of this. I'm truly truly lucky.

It will be such a shock when I go home for Christmas. "home" being where I grew up, but I do not fit in there. Can "home" be where you're the odd, weird one in the community because she's not like anybody else? (I'm not talking about MSP) My plan is to be "home" for a short of time as possible (please don't jinx that) and I don't even know what is home for me. London also feels like home, and whether I love it or hate it, always will be home.

For some reason, I will expect Minnesota to be exactly the same as it was a year ago. Like, nothing happened without me there. Sounds vain, but true. It's similar to when you were in elementary school, and miss a couple days because you're sick, and then there's that little shock when you realise that people live out their lives and the world does go on while you're stuck in bed? yeah like that.....and of course, I will go through culture shock and everything else expected.

So, I'll see some of you MN people at Christmas, if the Airline didn't completely screw up my flight change..otherwise I'll have Christmas at the BUNAC hostel in London. *LOL*

To be honest, I don't want to come home. I'm not going to be dancing in the terminal, necessarily. The only thing I'm excited about is seeing Terra ladygaia and Becky miss_lixx. I would stay here in Europe if I had one of those nice Commonwealth visas or a EU passport (which according to a friend I'm elgible for but that's a different story for another time) but I don't, so after the year is over, I have no choice. Trust me, my employment even appealled to have my UK work permit extended and the government said "NO". I tried. London is still my ideal place, and always will be...but, yeah, Christmas! Thankfully my favourite holiday so I'll be in good spirits! I'll come back with too much stuff but that's the point. ;)

I am looking forward to a snowy holiday (it better snow!), christmas lights and making Norweigian candy and food...etc, and maybe stay with ladygaia and miss_lixx for New Year's? yay. xxxxx

Comments

[miss-lixx.livejournal.com]

From what I hear, Minneapolis is supposed to have the coldest winter in over 9 years! It's even snowing right now as I type, and 2-4 inches is expected to fall.

I don't really think you've changed much. It seems like Dublin and London is more of a learning experience, and as a result, you have learned different things about yourself. You're introduced to new and unusual things that you have to adjust to and accommodate. I guess that's only my opinion though.

You can stay at my place if you want! We have a soon-to-be furnished guest room (so far we have a brand-new full size box spring). I will definitely be in Minneapolis on Christmas Day at work at Children's Hospital. My mom just called to inform me of a possible cruise vacation over winter break though - so, I may be gone. Too bad a stop in Havana is unlikely... maybe spring break.

[christinafairy.livejournal.com]

I have changed though...maybe in ways that aren't apparant over a week but I have defintely become stronger since you've visited...maybe I just discovered how much stronger I am...?? that's how I feel though.

yayaya!!! guest rooms!! hehe..I would like to stay for a couple days here and there. that would be nice. :)

great, the coldest winter in 9 years!?!?!?!? Hopefully it's not too cold for snow! that can happen. :/ Im' shivering here in Dublin as I type this! very very cold.